Skip to main content

George Bell versus The Apparition

The Apparition embodies everything that is wrong with modern horror movies. There's no getting around the fact that the cast is unlikable, and the movie just isn't scary in the least. I almost want to call the the runtime out as a lie, because somehow a one-hour-and-twenty-two-minute minute movie felt like double that. Someone on Twitter told me they fell asleep after 10 minutes, and not only do I believe them, but I fully support their subconscious decision to tune this garbage out.

Ashley Greene plays Kelly, a vet in training (or something), and if I never see her in another movie again, it would be cause for celebration. She's the definition of the "attractive" lead with no acting ability and one who doesn't seem capable of nuance; she's either her normal self or totally scared. Having recently watched Lovely Molly, which boasts an extremely talented and believable actress, the difference couldn't be any clearer. I'll put it this way: I'm not surprised that the only other movies of note Greene has been in is the Twilight series. If she had shown some titties in her obligatory shower scene, I would at least have that to offer as a positive outcome to watching this atrocity. But no, this is PG-13 horror, and that's just beyond the pale. Her boyfriend, Ben (Sebastian Stan), isn't much better, and the only guy that can actually act (Tom Felton) is hardly ever around. If I didn't know any better, I would guess that they were all cast to be as boring as possible.

Here's a gem of a quote from Tom Felton in one of the special features on the DVD: "I think ultimately what it was, is part of the subconscious of all the guys in the group, and the girl. Fear and pain - we all have something in the subconscious that we don't know about and we're not aware of it, and I think that's why it specifically has targeted each one of them."

I have no idea what the hell he's on about. There's literally nobody in the movie that fits the description he just gave, and the ghost or demon or whatever doesn't seem to be targeting anyone for any reason other than because they held a seance. I don't fault actors for trying to make their movie sound awesome, but c'mon, man. You just made up a whole lot of bullshit.

The score is another aspect that screams modern, PG-13 horror. Since around the very late '90s, mainstream horror soundtracks have consisted of generic, awful rock music. There's some of that in The Apparition, but even when it tries to get eerie, it still fails. Think of some classic horror scores, like Halloween, The Thing, The Exorcist, etc. They're not about being complex or hip to the times; all that matters is getting under your skin. If that was the intention here, I don't know what to tell you. It didn't work, and the fact that there's nothing creepy about any of the surroundings or atmosphere voids the entire production of anything meaningful or lasting.

I'll give the movie a small amount of half-credit on a single point. Toward the end, it shows objects and people combining to other objects, such as a couch fusing with a bannister and a person getting frozen halfway into a wall. Those precious few moments are inspired, but they never use them to any real effect. I guess all of the combined creative brainpower was squeezed out just for those couple of minutes.

If you're really in the mood for a movie about ghost/poltergeists haunting people, I recommend skipping this one and going straight for The Entity, Poltergeist, or for more modern sensibilities, Insidious or Sinister. You'll have a lot more fun with any of those movies than you ever will with The Apparition. It's bad, bad, bad, bad, Bad. Stay as far away as possible.
Enhanced by Zemanta

Comments

  1. Yow! I am so glad I never finished this movie. I wonder who that person was that fell asleep after 10 minutes? :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm glad you did. It gave even more evidence against this POS.

      Delete
  2. I had considered watching this until I read George's review. Now, no way! - J

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

#CocktailHour: Slushtail

  Summer approaches, inspiring thoughts of sunshine, backyard parties, and having a tip and sip with friends.  With that in mind, I bring you this week sunny beverage. To make a slushtail, mix a can of frozen orange juice, a can of frozen lemonade (or limeade), a can of pineapple juice, a couple cups of black tea (or English Breakfast), and two cups of bourbon- such as Southern Comfort, in a pitcher.  When it's all nicely mixed, put it in the freezer until it's a nice slushy consistency. Scoop the slush into a cocktail glass, and pour in some Sprite or 7-Up.  Add a little umbrella for some frivolous fun, and a straw. Voila!  Ready to enjoy. This is a very refreshing drink.  The fruit juices, Sprite, and bourbon- when chilled makes for a great punch-like drink.  The bourbon doesn't overwhelm juices.   In fact, they are all nicely balanced in terms of flavors.  The sourness of the citrus fruits contrasts well with the slightly sweeter Southern Comfort.  It was refreshing enou

Unlock your fate with The Puzzle

When my dad wasn't working, building stuff or being my dad, he was making puzzles. It was a guaranteed way for him to unwind. So it was with great interest that I sat down to watch Italian filmmaker Davide Melini's award-winning short The Puzzle. You see, the mother in the five-minute film likes to relax with puzzles just like my dad. Unfortunately, her good-for-nothing son keeps harassing her for money. Losing herself in her favourite passtime, the mother soon discovers that completing this puzzle might unlock a nightmare. The Puzzle has been an official selection at more European film festivals than you can shake a stick at, and was voted Third Best Italian Film at the Rome International Film Festival in 2008. Having watched it, I'm not surprised. It's a tight little film that hits you hard in the final few seconds. You can tell Melini cut his teeth as an assistant director for legendary Italian filmmaker Dario Argento. But enough chit chat on my part. See if yo

The Animated Addict: "The Adventures of Tintin" (2011)

If you're a 40 + white dude, like myself, you may remember a comic series called " The Adventures of Tintin ".  I know I remember them.  This series, dating back to 1929, got turned into a animated feature film by Steven Spielberg in 2011. After buying a model of ship called The Unicorn, teenaged journalist Tintin finds himself on adventure that will take him from the high seas, to the low deserts, and from the distant past to the present.  With his trusty dog, Snowy, by his side, Tintin uncovers a story connecting two men across the centuries.. . The story is really quite good.  It's well crafted, and high paced- with just enough slow moments to build and develop the world and the characters.  This is the sort of adventure story you'd find in the old serials of the 1930's and '40's.  In fact, it felt like it was the sort of tale that you'd find Indiana Jones undertaking.  I found myself swept up, and swept along as our hero swung from one e